Floodgates Opened

For me this meant that the constant companions of anxiety and depression that I had gone through since a very early age in my life at last were sadly justified. It opened the floodgates to wash away all of the things that essentially I had built up to understand myself in a neurotypical world instead of the neurodivergent world that I was actually part of.

I’d always been part of fringe groups, alternative groups, due to the music and the fashion that I followed.

My employment and my close relationships were the things that suffered the most, next to my own mental health. I found myself constantly and persistently crashing. The normal methods of talking therapies, CBT, anxiety management and all the various mental health services and approaches worked for a short while and then eventually just stopped. I was being told by professionals that if these things weren’t working they had nothing else for me. This made me lose heart, it made me think that I was just going to be trapped within a life where I felt sad, I felt scared, I felt down, I felt frustrated to hell, I felt like I had no purpose and that I just really shouldn’t be here. And I’d felt this way since I was about 8 years old. I got to the point where I really couldn’t cope anymore.

There was just so much that needed to be washed away with the floods that basically this diagnosis opened. Never one to shy away from psychological oblivion I opened my arms to the waters that were about to drag me away.