Budding

After so much flooding there can only rot, where you are food for others, or you can grow. So part of the process I have been going through after my diagnosis is almost like a returning to source, to nature and the purely elemental. It’s been very much as though I have now been able to revisit the person that I always was deep down at my core and be far more accepting of who I have found there rather than rejecting them because they didn’t tow the straight line. For me part of this process has been very much acknowledging where I am within this journey. It has also meant hard times. Being late diagnosis means that you go through a mourning period of the person that you thought that you were, you feel sad for the child that has gone through so much where they felt cut to their very being and so fucking sad, being told that they shouldn’t be the way they are, that they shouldn’t feel the way that they do and that their reactions aren’t valid. It is very much about validation of self and validation of the way that you interact with the world, the way that you present yourself to the world and being more confident in being OK with that. Sometimes the hardest part of this budding process is actually breaking out through the casing that you’ve built around yourself and allowing yourself to be vulnerable again because you are, you are opening up to the way that you have always been but maybe not presented this to the world in such a big way.