All my life I have been termed as over-sensitive. It seemed as though my sensitivity to things made other people feel uncomfortable and in that way I was encouraged to hide them and be quiet about them. For me this was really painful. It seemed as though work was one place where it was best not being yourself and due to my communication style I could easily take things the wrong way. A particular example I can remember is when I challenged a colleague due to a comment they had made where I expressed that it had upset me and hurt my feelings. When they brushed it aside I took it further. It had taken so much courage on my part to challenge that persons comment and to actually stick up for myself. My manager took it no further. It hit home that the way I felt about things was my issue and the world just wasn’t built for me.
There are probably many people reading this who can say that’s happened to them. However this was not an isolated incident, this is something that has been apparent since I was a child. The western world it seems is not equipped to deal with the strong emotions experienced within the neurodiversity realms. They need training, they need direction, and yet we are meant to live in a world that is accepting of peoples differences and it seems as though the boxes of society have not been broken but just bulge.
At times my sensitivities get so overwhelming that I can cry at films, I have cried at adverts, I have cried because my emotions have got so profuse that there isn’t any other way for me to express what I am feeling at the time. This obviously got me into the terminology of being a cry-baby when at school. And again it also meant it was better not to draw attention to myself and hold my feelings in most of the time. It’s like writhing in poison, slowly.
The way that I feel things I have always described as being able to feel the pain of the earth. I am an intuitive. I am a sensitive. I have learned throughout my life to encourage an emotional barrier around myself as I am at times unaware where my emotions end and somebody else’s start. This has become quite apparent at times when I feel overwhelmed due to the amount of sadness coming from a friend or a loved one. As my spiritual path and journey has continued I have found solace in the activities I have bought into my life such as meditation and Tai chi to be able to keep me more grounded and aware of what my feelings are and what are other peoples.